"Lan, WAN dah xdak.."

bismillahirrahmanhirrahim....

losing someone that we love so much might be the toughest thing to face on this earth. and losing him/her/them without being able to see them for the last time will be much harder rite.

my grandpa passed away on a few days before Ramadhan approached. i received a msg from my brother saying that, "Lan, Wan dah xdak..." when i was watching a football match involving Malaysian team. Subhanallah.. I was speechless and really could not trust my eyes.. i read the msg over again and rushed to pm my family members. 

my grandpa was a very good person. someone that i look up to. and someone that i give my fullest respect to. he was a complete package person as he could do every jobs that u think a man should do. everything, believe me. 

i had an opportunity to take care of him a year ago when he was admitted to Adventist Hospital, Penang to undergo a surgery to remove some blood clot from his brain. as the effect, he tended to have short-memory lost as he would keep asking where he was for every hour. And my family needed to take turn to look after him. At night, i would find him struggling with wires to set him free from them every time he opened his eyes. and the only solution to keep him calm was to give a sedative injection which would last for a few hours. 

some friends advised me to stay calm and be strong. i know! every time they told me to be strong, that was my monolog. that was my advices to others too. i know there is impossible to have him stand on earth anymore.. and i am "redha" to His fate. All i worried about was my family condition. how about my grandmother, is she strong enough to face this? How about my mother? was she well prepared to receive that news? who would calm them? owh i really wished to be there to do my role as a grandson, and a son..

insyAllAh WAn, i will always pray for you, even you are no longer alive. believe me, u will always alive in my heart.